Category Archives: On a Personal Note

I am a Mom

I have been SO blessed. If I truly consider the amazing treasure that has been placed in my care, I am literally speechless. Five precious lives. Each one unique and valuable. Impressionable. Irreplaceable. Fragile.  Full of Hope and Promise.

The greatness of this truth leaves me in awe of this astonishing responsibility. The issue is that I am so busy doing my “job”, that I forget what my “job” really is. The old expression “you can’t see the forest for the trees” comes to mind.  I often find myself buried beneath the byproduct of mothering, that I truly lose sight of what my real responsibilities are.

Over the course of these last ten years, my life has gotten fuller, busier and more hectic. It has also become more rich, memorable and blessed. What I need to come back to again and again is that my call is to be a mother to my children. My call is not to do the laundry. My call is not to cook meals and cleanup piles of dishes. My call is to mother my precious children. To train them to have a heart that longs to know their Maker.  To instruct them in the way of truth. To show them that Jesus is their personal Savior, loving them to His death. To inspire them to live for Him because He is worthy. To model for them a humble, teachable heart. To be an example of loving kindness, longsuffering and hope to each one of them. To teach them how to love their siblings, care for others. To teach them how to forgive and extend grace to others. Oh, so many more wonderful, valuable lessons. If I do not teach them to my children, who will? Who has God called to this task? Me. (Yes, my husband as well, of course – but I am considering my call).

Although there are numerous other duties that fall under the heading of “mother”, such as dishes, cleaning, blah blah blah, I must stay true to the call of God. Yes, those burdens are valid and require time and attention, but not at the expense of actual mothering.

May we as mothers, keep our eyes on Jesus, and be faithful to care for those tender lives committed to our trust.

The wise woman builds her house…. Proverbs 14:1

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Filed under Growing in Jesus, Little Ones, Mothering, On a Personal Note

Jesus and my Husband

Since my last post, I have been considered deeply what the CALL OF GOD is on my life.  I am a child of God. I am a wife. I am a mother. That’s a simplified list, but where the Lord is wanting me to focus right now.

As a child of God, my first calling is to seek out my Father.  This is my privilege, to be a child of the King. I ought not to take this lightly. He seeks me out, He pursues me with His love, I am the apple of His eye.  He desires to hear my heart and to pour into me. He has absolutely everything I could ever need for this life.  2 Peter 1:3 “…His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us…”  Jesus should always be my top priority. Not only if it’s convenient. Not only if I feel “spiritual”. Not only if I’m desperate. Not only if I’m blessed.  Always. Every day. Day in and day out.

I am a wife. I’ve got a great husband. I didn’t say perfect 🙂 but he is great. He loves Jesus more than he loves me. He loves me with all his heart, and I don’t deserve it. He loves our five children. He works hard for Jesus. Serves His people faithfully. He works hard for his family.  And I am the one that God gave him to care for him, cook for him, wash his clothes, clean his house, love him selflessly, above my own needs or wants.  Honestly, because he is an adult, and with five little ones running around needing me to care for their needs, it is real easy to let my husband’s needs slip to the bottom of the list. And that’s not right. Nor acceptable. 1 Corinthians 7:34″ … she who is married cares about the things of the world–how she may please [her] husband.”  So, Jesus first; my husband needs to be second.

And next… the call of God to be a mother.

Since this call is pressing in on me now, check back in a few days! I’ll share some of my thoughts and vision that God has given me for being a godly mother.

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Filed under Growing in Jesus, Marriage, On a Personal Note

Re-evaluating Life

Bebe took the two big kids and went on anexcursion. A two day trip to Utah with a mission…snowboarding! They are all thrilled, this being the only time they’ve gotten to ride this season.

Last night, Joy girl spent the night at her friend’s house. This was her first “real” sleepover! Wow.  She’s getting big…

So that left me with just my two little ones last night.  And some much needed time to think…

I’ve been having a bit of overload lately.

My two youngest, we’ll call them “Grace” and “little Man”. (Ironically, Grace is her middle name and she sure needs a lot of God’s grace to keep her safe as she tumbles through life! And then, little Man is as just as stubborn as an old weathered man!) Anyway, they are at each other constantly. I am attempting to homeschool the other three: 4th grade,  2nd grade and Kindergarten. Yes, attempting; feeling like quite a failure these days.

On top of the normal, we have had a terrible time lately with allergies and asthma. This has meant numerous breathing treatments and “chest clopping” daily for the last month. Add to that, crazy house cleaning like I’ve never done…and don’t enjoy – and you’ve got one worn out mom.

Last night was good for me. I sat down to do my bi-yearly (or so) “homeschool review”. It’s a time to reconsider what each of my child’s needs are. Their strengths, weaknesses; how I can care for each one individually. And then I reformat a new schedule that will hopefully accomodate everyone.

I didn’t get far at all.  All of my kids need more of me.

And I already feel like there is not enough of me to go around (and I’ve not at all mentioned that I am a wife and have a responsibility to my husband too!)

So, I somehow ended up on a few websites, blogs, and the Lord brought me to a better place.

Re-evaluating my life! Yeah, that’s big.

Instead of trying to “fix” this one area of “how do I fit all my homeschool in?”, He brought me to a deeper issue of what is my purpose and how can I work with HIM to fulfill the call He has put on my life.

Now I’ve got some praying and thinking to do. I will certainly revisit this. It all needs to simmer in my mind and heart for a bit first.

Plus, little Man is climbing on the counter and I need to go get their chest x-rays done again before picking up Joy girl.

I’ll be back again soon. Until then, may the Lord give you vision and clear instruction for your calling!

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Filed under Family Life, Growing in Jesus, Homeschool, Little Ones, Mothering, On a Personal Note

Stirring myself up again

A couple weeks ago I received a notification of a new comment on my blog.

This surprised me as I haven’t posted anything in probably about 5 or 6 months!

So I was looking over my blog, and it hit me …I need to “stir myself up some more”.  The whole point of my blog was to (mostly) encourage myself to remember the goodness and grace of my God. If other people happen to stumble upon it and find encouragement as well, then that’s a bonus.

I can get so buried beneath the day to day tasks of mothering, homeschooling, home-making (although I feel “home repairing” would be a better term these days!), cooking, cleaning, blah, blah…that I need to do this.  I knew it then, it was for me to remember.  And although I still “know” God is good and God is faithful, it is important to sit down and actually purposefully do this.

So, maybe, you’ll see me here more often…no promises though.

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Filed under Just Another Day, Mothering, On a Personal Note

A New Season

We have been adjusting to a new schedule.  New in many ways! I think I’ll get to that in a later post though.  For now, a little background.

My dear husband (“Bebe”) has accepted a full time position at our church.  This is huge for us.  It has been our prayer for over 12 years to be able to serve the Lord in a “full-time position”.  We have basically been serving the Lord “part-time” for many years, although not for a wage.  We are so very blessed by this answer to prayer. We are free to commit all our energy to Him!

This change has also come on the heels of a very long few months for our family.  Bebe had been working a lot out of town, spending a  night or two away, working 16 hours a day (no joke).  Then when he was home, he was too utterly exhausted to do much of anything else but rest.  That can be challenging for 5 little ones who are excited to see their daddy, and a wife/mother who is desperately needing some adult interaction and reprieve from those 5 sweet little ones.  In fact, we were ready to pull back from serving in the church all together. 

I “had it out” with the Lord one day.  I told Him, “Well fine, Lord.  If you just don’t want us to serve you right now, FINE! I’ll stop fighting with you, I give up God!”  And, interestingly enough, it was that very weekend our senior pastor invited Bebe to join the pastoral team.  Wow.  Maybe I should’ve “given up” sooner!

Job 23:10, 14   “But He knows the way that I take…For He performs [what is] appointed for me…”

Don’t you wish you could just remember this basic truth more often? I wish I could! 

During those few months, I struggled.  Too much really.  I could look around and see others in more difficult situations than myself.  Husbands that had to be gone for months.  I could see marriages falling apart.  I was trying to be thankful that Bebe was only gone for a few days at a time.  I was definitely thankful for our marriage, and the faithful love that we have for one another.  But, I just found myself really struggling.  I don’t know why, still.  And it kind of bothers me. 

I desire to trust the Lord so completely that all else that transpires in my life is truly viewed through a heart and mind that is at peace with Him and that which He allows in my life. 

Psalm 25:4   Show me Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths.

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Filed under Family Life, Growing in Jesus, Marriage, On a Personal Note

hedgerow

This last week or two I feel like the path our lives (my family) are on are actually leading us away from that which we are praying, yearning, called and desiring to do.  Hmmm.  What to make of this? 

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Well, I’ve been a bit of an emotional roller coaster rider.  All the while, I KNOW, yes really do KNOW, that God is only leading us to where we need to be to truly do that which He has purposed for us.  I’ve found myself telling myself, “It’s okay.  God has something better.”  “It’s alright.  God is wanting to really take us to the bottom, the end of our own means, so that He can show how amazing He is.”  And other similar statements.  “I’m not ready yet.  I still have so many lessons I need to learn.  Just relax and learn the lesson.”

I know though that God is very persistent.  Extremely.  Especially when He knows that I really, really do want to submit. 

He used these verses from my Bible study to encourage me.

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”  Ephesians 2:10

I have this mental picture of a little wandering child, aimlessly meandering through a large hedgerow.  Like some fancy old garden on the grounds of castle.  At first, just dawdling along, just enjoying the sight and smell, the sounds.  But then, the panic sets in and the child begins to run wildly with no direction.  Yikes!  But, stop for a moment. 

Picture this same beautiful garden hedgerow from a bird’s eye view.  Isnt’ that so much better?  There’s a calm.  Peace.  Knowing.  Yes, a knowing that there is an end.  And indeed it spills out into a beautiful flower garden full of wonderful delights of sights and smells.  Ahhh, that’s better. 

Well that is indeed God’s perspective.  I am that little child.  Unsure.  Perhaps confused at times.  (Ahem, well, probably more often than not).  At any rate, God is God.  He sees, He knows. 

He will delight my soul with His abundance. 

“The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.”  Psalm 138:8

He has a certain purpose and plan.  It will not falter.  In this I can be confident, because of who He is.  Not because of me, my accomplishments, rather shortcomings, or anything else.  He is God. He will accomplish that which concerns me.

Lord, help me to be able to see life and circumstance more clearly, through Your own eyes, instead of my own weak and failing eyes. 

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Filed under Growing in Jesus, On a Personal Note

Inspiring or just plain irritating?

I just came across my blog again today! Ha!

My last post was in October…a mere 3 months ago. (sarcasm)  Chris hasn’t been out of town, until yesterday.  He’s only in Phoenix til tonite.  He hasn’t had much work, so he took the opportunity to make some money, unfortunately he had to go to Phoenix to do it.  But, at least he has the opportunity to do so!

So I’ve just spent a little time reading through some other blogs, and wow – some people can really be inspiring!  That IS what I desire.  To be able to truly inspire others…to live life for Jesus, fully surrendered to Him.  To be a joy to those around them.  To enjoy the life they have been given.  As I write this, I feel my shoulders slump. Instead of inspiring others, I feel like I’ve allowed my stress, anxiety, or just plain fatigue were off on them.  Ugh. 

I was challenged tonite as I laid in bed with 4 of my children for prayers.  Blah, blah, blah the complaining and grumbling ringing in my head.  And then I thought…is this what I sound like to them?

Well, maybe I could blame it on a poor night’s sleep…or maybe I can blame it on not getting up early enough to have that SO NEEDED quiet time sitting with Jesus.  Either way, I am challenged and encouraged to get up first thing!

Over the last month in particular, I have been so much more “regular” and disciplined about getting up before the kids.  All 5 of them, and yes, indeed, this is a challenge!  I feel like they hear my bed squeak and they think it’s time to get up.  It makes no difference to them if it’s 5am or 8am!  But, very stealthily, I have been able to get up before them, and spend some true time in prayer, reading God’s Word, being still before Him.  I feel almost ashamed to say it, but I haven’t had this kind of devotional time for about 7 or 8 years.  It’s been a little here, a little there – whenever I could squeeze it in.  But this IS different.  It’s truly refreshing.  It’s good to sit with Jesus.  He is so good to me.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.    Ephesians 6:10

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Filed under Growing in Jesus, Just Another Day, Mothering, On a Personal Note